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Originally Posted by Cutieface
My ex was very much like tha t. .because he worked nights..I wasn't allowed any toys...mind you he freaked when he found some....(forgot to take out the batteries and the mattress started vibrating one night...used to keep it under the mattress) ugh! he had a shit fit....explained they were for the two of us to share.....no deal...he threw them all out....
that is a very insecure person who would feel that a toy would replace a real person..........
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There was an interesting conversation had in my household lastnight....
Since I was gone to Chicago and subsequently returned to Florida, I told him that if it wasn't for the family (read: Sofia) I would not have gotten on that plane to come back. Being gone on vacation made him realize what life without me would be like (so he said) and is now a totally different person, for the time being.
He is actually nice, he greets me when he gets home, he kisses me when he leaves, he isn't in a perpetual state of grouchiness, he helps around the house and with this kids. And now he looks at me all doey-eyed and in love like.
We went further into discussions about how I feel that I have to censor myself becasue I am concerned about his reaction, that I do not feel free to do, say and be who I am. I told him that I have spent the last 2.5 years trying to get him to understand we are on the path to misery and that he waited until it got to the point where I was ready to leave him before it dawned on him that he was ruining us. I informed him that walls have been built and they are easier to construct than they are to break down and not expect too much out of me emotionally.
Later in the evening I was in the shower and he came in. We were each doing our own thing when he took the shower head down and started messing around with it. Jokingly he said I should let the water stream massage me "down there". I acted like I have never done that before.... little does he know :bigsmile This brought up a conversation about toys. He said I should get one! I was like, "You told me that you didn't want me to have one, that you thought it would replace you." He said, "I know it would never replace me. I don't care if you get one as long as I get to use it on you."
While those of you reading this are most likely thinking, "That's great Voodoo, I am glad he has seen the light." I am irritated that he waited until my heart had hate for him. I am mad that he has had this in him the whole time, but chose to make me suffer for years instead of communicating with me when I was begging and pleading for him to understand.
"Better late than never" you say? Like I said.... walls are easier to construct than break down. I wanna see him be this nice, happy husband for years.... the same amount of time he spent making me miserable and taking me for granted. Then, and only then, might I consider opening back up.
In the mean time.... I need to go toy shopping.