Ipl's Jokes For The Day~!!
Post subject: IPL'S JOKES FOR THE DAY~!!
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.
The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump."The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.
The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blonde.
"I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."
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POSTAL JOB~
A guy went to apply for a job with the U.S. Postal Service. During the interview, the interviewer asked the guy if he was a veteran. The guy said "Yes, I fought over in Vietnam."
Then the interviewer asked if the guy had any disabilities. The guy responded, "Well, I stepped on a landmine over there and blew my testicles off."
"Great!" the interviewer responded. "We give disabled vets preference. You can start tomorrow morning at 10 a.m."
"But doesn’t everyone normally start at 8 a.m.?" asked the guy.
"Yes, but you don’t have to come in until 10. All we do is just stand around and scratch our balls for the first two hours anyway."
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A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK." And sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."
The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"
The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle.
Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"
The golfer says, "Certainly." And makes the eagle.
As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,"You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil and from now on you will have no sex life."
"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."
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HALLMARKS REJECTED CARDS~~
1. So your Daughters a hooker and it spoiled your day... look on the bright side, she's a really good lay.
2. My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat... Sorry.
3. You had your Bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of depends.
4. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! Cause when I had mine I felt real snippy.
5. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.
6. You totaled your car... and can't remember why... could it have been... that case of Bud Dry
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THE SEARCH FOR A BRA~
A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?"
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner. After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart.
Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?"
The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"
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PRESIDENTS IN THE LAND OF OZ~
The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado in Kansas, and off they spin to the Land of OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."
"No problem" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?" Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well.., Well.., Well.., I need a brain." "Done" says the Wizard.
"Who comes next before the Great Wizard?" Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."
"I've heard it's true" says the Wizard. "Consider it done."
Then there is a great silence. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY!?"
And Bill replies - "Is Dorothy around?"
Stay Strong~~!!!
IPL
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