Talked to my neighbor last night - Anabolic Steroids

Reverend Satan · #1 (**permalink**) 12-17-2004, 03:58 PM

I was chilling at home last night watching basketball when my neighbor calls me. She says the guy that lives on the other side of her invited himself over to help her put up Christmas decorations. Apparently, he was drunk and just stared at her chest and asked if she "had any hooch" and "is those real?" the whole time instead of actually helping. Finally, she told him if he went home she'd bring him another drink because she thought he'd pass out after that and she'd be safe.

She brought him the drink and he said he'd love to help her "erect a tree over at her house" She told him no thanks and to keep the glass the drink was in. Well, he showed up at her place anyway wearing nothing but thermal underwear with little alligators all over them demanding she call him "Big Gator."

She snuck in the bathroom and got on her cell phone. That's when I received the call of distress. At first I figured I just go over there and demand him to leave but this chick is constantly trying to bang me so I figured the knight in shining armor routine would only encourage her. Instead, I sent the old lady from across the street to pose as her mother. She's the head of the neighborhood watch so I figured she'd be up for the job.

I watched out my window as "mom" walked in the front door and sure enough, 5 minutes later I see this drunken fool in his underwear stumble out with a mai tai glass that had a crazy straw sticking out of the top. The guy puked on himself and then passed out in his front yard. I called the cops and then went to bed.