So disapointed. In me...

[Spookstress]

How old are yer kids hanuri? some good advice has already been given here.

I find myself being more impatient with kids than adults... you have to realize they are children and cant be expected to behave like adults all the time.

ALSO... you have alot on your plate with your upcoming surgery... going under the knife for any reason, minor or not, is still stressful. Do they know about your surgery yet? Surely them understanding that you are a little more stressed than usual may ease some of the tension... Again... not sure how old they are so they may not understand anyways? if they are too young to understand... you should tell them that daddy's not feeling too well and you dont mean to be upset with them.

How about your wife? Maybe if you tell her you are a bit more stressed than usual and can she help ease your load a bit by helping daughter with her homework, writing those checks out for the evil bills for you, coming in with some back up when she hears you tell the kids to do this or that to make sure they get on the task at hand, instead of getting sassy with you.

Again... talking with them about your upcoming surgery and what YOU are going through may help... even the smallest of kids will understand being sad and/or afriad... kids think dads are invincible... knowing that you are fearful of surgery and being 'laid up' afterwards (or just not feeling well depending on their age) may help them understand that you are human too.

My daughter was (ummm... actually IS... hee hee) a contrary little thing frequently... but when she knows i'm sick and/or dont feel good... the little nurse/mommy in her comes out... even when she was younger. It will make them feel "important" to help you out... and more understanding of you when you are quick tempered.

If you find yourself being quick tempered with them... apologize immediately... "sorry honey, daddy's not feeling well, i'm sick... can you go ask mommy to make me a glass of water (or a blanket, or house shoes, a magazine/book or whatever) and bring it to me? It really would make me feel better" then give them a hug and big thanks when they bring you the water. Giving them an 'important' task to handle like that for you will give them a feeling of accomplishment and serve as a reminder that you arent your usual self.

if it helps... my daddy screamed and hollered and lost his patience frequently... mommy was a total whack job... but I turned out alright

Hang in there dude!

[hanuri]

thank you Spookstress! Always good to hear sound advice.... I havé 2 sons ( 9yrs and 14 months) and two daughters ( 8 yrs and 6 yrs) . Vilma to whom I lost my temper is that 8 yrs old. I´ve talked about this parenting thing w Tarzana before and somehow feel the biggest trouble lie in the fact my kids are getting older and I somehow can´t keep the track. Loosen the grip I mean. Letting they have things THEIR way more .
It´s not that long ago my wifey laid it down on me very strictly about this behavíor. But that was about my oldest son . I used to wonder how my sister blaimed everything on her oldest girl while others could do anything and not a word. Finding myself in a situation alike w MY oldest boy is not a happy moment. wife was right . I took my boy by the hand and we made an agreement; he not trying to maek me mad and I not shouting him and snapping at him . Not that I´v ebeen good at it , it works somehow.
well thanks everybody else a lot too. It´s been good to ventilate a little...

[Spookstress]

Dont worry... it will be much easier to "ventilate" after your nose job :laugh

Hey Hanuri
I am in the same boat as you are quite often. I lose my temper with my girls more often than I do with other adults because, I could give a shit less about other adults. I want my girls to be perfect and smart and healthy and well everything I am or was not; other adults are morons and I expect them to act this way so I am prepared. As far as yelling at her, everyone is right on the money, apologize to her, and explain why you lost your temper. Dont just tell her you had a bad day but tell her why you got frustrated, this way you are teaching her a little about life and what you expect and what she can expect.
I also lose my temper if I dont think they are even trying or if they just keep saying they cant do it..Dammit I know they can!!!!
Send her an email, and give her a hug. get her something fun, to let her know that you want to still have fun with her and have her become what you know she has the potential to be.

Now the wife that is a different story.. once women get over a certain age, they dont respond well if you are not yelling at them, this is why they all want the "bad boy" types. So make sure you give the wifey a good tongue lashing and also make sure she knows her place.:boing:

[Rat]

At least Hanuri you recognize your short comings and are working on it. Most people don't get that far.

Originally Posted by Rat

At least Hanuri you recognize your short comings and are working on it. Most people don't get that far.

SHUT UP!!!!! YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!!!! I AM A FINE PERSON YOU.. YOU .. RODENT!!!!!!!

[hanuri]

Thanks a many Boogster and rat . In fact you BOTH are right. quess this operation + nightshift took over and add those shitty bills and voila´. Beyond Hanuri´s capasity in big way.... I´ve apologized her and hugged in big time so things are in normal way today.... I try to remember all of the wise words you people have written here...next time . Thank you you caring people . I really dig you

[Puddles]

While it's mainly a women's site, www.ivillage.com has some fantastic family and parenting info. in it. I went there a couple of months ago to help a situation here and then showed it to hubby. Then we spent a few days talking between ourselves and then with our daughter. It's a GROUP effort, everyone has to do a little work for things to run smoothly. We only have one daughter, she'll be 14 in Feb. and so far it's been pretty easy. I can't imagine having 4 kids at different stages such as yourself! Go visit ivillage and see if there's anything there to help you guys out.

[Arcane_Elixir]

You'd be a worse parent if you let your daughter walk all over you.
Discipline is an extremely important aspect of raising a young person. It has to be present for a conducive growing environment, for forming a well rounded, productive and stable young adult. You owe it to her, even if it hurts...

You may feel bad about an audible outburst, but it serves a purpose.
So unless you're a millionaire she can leach off her whole life, then her life ain't gonna be eazy when she gets out on her own or with a partner (school, work, bills, etc). She'll have bosses, professors, and figures of authority; the more she learns she can't have it all her way, the better life she'll live.

The mommas' boys and daddies' little princesses syndrome, backfires.