Anger and I might need help.

[darkrid3r]

Jezus its like you boys are reading my mind!

I agree with the rage blackout thing, thats exactly what its like, you dont realize what you have truly done till you are breathing normal again, and the thump of your hear leaves the top of your head

You guys are also right, If you recognize the trigger points and can work through them the consequences are much better!

Florida i would have stomped that ass too, if it wasn't you he went after, it would have been her, and I don't tolerate that shit at all.

I do change when on cycle, I am more...happy I call it, but its the test floating in my body, makes you more confident, more aggressive, you can walk up to anyone and chat them up, hit on every women and not care if she turns you down. The drugs are amazing in many ways.

The dog was driving me nuts last night, I wanted to beat him again, pulled back because I don't want to hurt anything.

Its that annoying snoring when he wakes me up, this chomp chomp lick lick thing he does its like FUCK OFF ALREADY ITS 2AM! GET A DRINK!

I carried him to his kennel, put him in, the little fuck started to lick the door! KLANG LICK KLANG LICK KLANG I left it open so he could come back to the bed when he got cold, usually its like 2 - 4 hours he sleeps in there.
I went in, wanted to punch him...so bad....sigh.....
But I was calm and just said hey, If i have to come back in here your going to get it, go to sleep and left.
He came out 20 minutes later But did not lick the door again.

The nice thing was that Even though in mid sleep, I was able to not hurt him, But I have to be honest, there were a few times where I wanted to. I stretched him out on my bed a few times, dam dogs. He snores worse than I do!!!!!

END RANT

[Bufbiker]

My dog is not the problem, she crawls into the bed between my wife and I, and with out huge king size bed there's plenty of room. But there's this one cat. He thinks he's MY cat, and I'm not a cat person, but we have three.
This stupid cat crawls onto my pillow while I'm asleep then gradually somehow shoves me off of it, almost. 15 pounds versus 220 and the 15 pound cat wins somehow. Last night I threw him off the bed, gently, several times but when I fell back asleep he was right there again. I've slept about 12 hours in the past 3 days and I am bushed. In the past I've thrown the cat across the room, into the wall out rthe door etc. But since we began this thread I've tried to be more understanding and gentle with it.

[dannothemanno]

I really identify with a quote from "Shantaram" (Novel, goofle it) which goes something along the lines of "Weightlifting is Zen for violent people". I dont consider myself violent, though I have reacted violently in response to same. I do consider myself to be quite angry, most of my life to be honest. My anger stems from frustration. I have no idea why I get frustrated in certain situations, can be anything really, specially working on mechanical shit that just doesnt want to play ball, ha ha.
I have never hit out at anyone in anger (unless they start shit, then I react in kind) fortunately I have been able to control myself and I put that self control entirely down to years of lifting. Ive said it repeatedly and I'll say it again (nah not beetroot juice, lol) for me, when I lift, I'm not training my body so much as my mind. Every training day my mind comes up with a zillion reasons NOT to train, but I take control and go train. I push for one more rep, more weight etc etc and this has given me the self control to keep my anger in check. Its still there, always will be and I come across as quite "intense" at times, but Ive accepted that its a part of me and who I am. I dont believe Ive ever taken my anger out on an animal, couldnt fucking live with myself if I did, but if someone pisses me off, then I keep it in check unless I'm dealing with a complete moron, then I usually walk away. I guess I have no time for fools.....Is that wrong? Should I sit there and listen to a fool talk shit to me, just so I dont hurt the fools feelings if I tell him to shut the fuck up and then walk away? I know a lot of people think I'm a bit of a psycho, but thats because I'm completely politically incorrect and say whats on my mind. Is that wrong? I watch what I say to people in general and dont intentionally hurt peoples feelings, but sometimes I have to speak up and I dont mean yelling. I havent yelled at anyone for a long long time, but I know my anger does show thru when I get pissed and speak my mind. I can quite calmly and rationally offer to punch the fuck out of someone if I feel it necessary. I worked as a bouncer for years and never lost it once, which I think speaks volumes for my self control? Mind you, in my current (now retired) profession I am considered "normal" lol. I dunno, I guess I'm just fucked in the head lol

[Swamp Thing]

As for the dog part and sensing your anger. Hell yes!! They are infinitely more perceptive to their surroundings than humans are. They also respond to negative reinforcement differently. Some cower and freeze some run like hell. I have one of each. You can NOT hit the ones that respond poorly to this type of reinforcement. I know it is hard as hell sometimes, but you're doing way more damage than you are any good. And then... you feel like shit afterward.

[MRMOLOTOV]

Dark, I never thought I'd meet someone with the EXACT same feelings and reactions as myself. I have broken bones in both my hands and foot, put my fist through walls, shattered sliding glass door mirrors with fists and continued to pound the broken glass on my tile floor in front of the person I love the most, my wife. My dogs get me angry with constant barking and their incessant need for attention drives me to the breaking point sometimes. Two weeks ago, a girl cut me off in traffic and the argument escalated to me kicking and caving her car door in. Police were called cause it happened in the middle of an intersection. I had all I could do to keep from yanking her hair back and ripping her throat out. Thinking about it still pisses me off.

Now someone that doesn't know me may read this and say I am a violent person by nature, but I'm not. Just the opposite. For the most post I am completely calm and cool and must people have never seen this side of me. In fact, when I tell them they don't believe me until I sure them the scars.

I'm running out of time to post more but I would like to know how you are doing? Have you gotten any help and do you recommend anyone?

Thanks for sharing your pain, I know I'm not the only one who has trouble grasping these emotions.

[MRMOLOTOV]

I also think there is a massive difference between anger and the sheer uncontrollable rage that we experience. I don't want to hurt people or animals. I love both of them. When my rage subsides I feel so bad and apologize millions of times over. I almost tried to find the girl and write her an apology letter even tho she started it by spitting on my car seat from my open window, hit me in the face with her sandwich she was eating and told me I was going to die. But even after all that, I still felt bad I did what I did. I knew I would feel bad after but still could not control it. (glad it didn't go any further) What I am trying to say is that even tho we know the consequences, even tho we don't want to hurt things, even tho WE KNOW it may result in utterly bad and ruinous effects that could last for years, we still do it. It's not by choice. Logic and reason is gone and only the passing of time (minutes-hours) calms us down.

I need to ask you a question... it may sound like I'm a pussy but at this point and on this forum I don't care. Do you also at times just feel like crying? Sometimes while watching a movie with the wife our reading posts on this forum get to me. Things I know that shouldn't bother me do. I think my brain may be a little screwed up or something. I know that emotions all come from the same place so maybe I got hit in the head one too many times. (got jumped and was cracked with a tire iron)

Anyways, sorry to pour out so many "feelings" like this but this its the first time that some people seem to understand what I'm going through. I try to explain it to "normal" people but they look at me like I'm insane and should be in a nut house.

I appreciate all the guys here who have helped all of out.

[darkrid3r]

MRMOLOTOV,

This i have learned is something that is inside our control.

I have been doing a lot of digging and soul searching to understand where and why I am angry, its not easy for one to admit there is a problem.
My piticular issues come from my past, i have been through much more than 90% of people at a very young age.
My parents are both gone, all my grandparents are gone, and I have no one to ask the tough questions to
I am angry at my parents for leaving me behind, they both died by their own choices at 44 and 48. I was left alone when i was 22. Fully alone by 25.
I am still angry for the things they did to me as a kid, and my sister. I have family that has disowned me, but I am not my parents....they fail to see that.

But I guess you get the point, this stuff is out of my control and I cant do anything about it now, so I have to learn to accept some stuff.

As for my dog, I would take my anger out on him, but it was not him I was angry at. He only gets love now, and the occasional whoppin for eating the toilet paper roll but I dont abuse him. Unfortunately it took me one time of hurting him, to lay on my kitchen floor naked crying because I hurt another creature out of anger.
IT was honestly just a matter of time before it happened.

But its within my power now to understand, to get educated, to walk away when things start to heat up, to ask my self the question why am i mad, what is it that is bothering me and how do I fix it.

I post stuff like this on this board, even though it is very personal because its an outlet for me. Its actually nice to see that others have some similar issues and that I am not alone in my quest to become anger free.

You guys do give me some good information and guide me and I appreciate that very much.