Married life is getting old!

[hay bailer]

Hey guys, i know that this shit is personal but i just needed to vent so even though i feel like a little b@tch doin it im going to. Im getting so bored with my marriage and i dont know how much longer i can endure it. Ive tried so hard to be happy with my wife but i just dont think i can. Weve been together since high school and im now 33. In high school we dated and at first i dumped her because i didnt think that we were right for each other. The reason why is because she is such a goody girl and extremely reserved. She was a virgin prior to me and has had not other partners, made me wait eight months. However she is gorgeous, responsible, and very intelligent. Now i know that some of you woud say well damn those are good traits but they are not good when she never wants sex, has no sex drive, and when you do have sex its just plain out fucking boring as shit! Now eventually in high school after her continiously persuing me i gave in because of her being a good girl and my thoughts were well things will turn around with her and she will turn out to be more fun in general and in the bedroom. Quess what, never happened. Where in the fuck is this sexual peak that women supposedly get in their 30's thats never happened. I was i wild kid always in trouble and partyed alot and why she persued me so much when we are so different is a mystery to me. I have already had issues with cheating and i have been good for nearly two years but man i have the worst case of wandering eye you could ever imagine. We have a beautiful daughter who i adore and a nice home and property and part of me just wants to keep the family together for the sake of my daughter. I think i should have just trusted my instincts as a teenager and realized that we are not compatible. If i were to not initiate sex, we could go 6 months easy without having it! Thats just all out fucking sad! And whats crazy is i get hit on all the damn time, by girls that are like 19 and 20 and its driving me fucking insane! And the people that i have cheated with and had affairs with its like they cant keep their hands off me and all i want is that outa my fucking wife. we have been to counseling and ive explained all this but it never happens. I try to spice things and have romantic evenings but to tell you the truth it feels just akward as shit and thats weird being that weve been together forever. when we do have sex i feel like im just making her perform some painful chore. why in the fuck would i want that when me and others have this crazy connection. And its not just sex that my wife never initiates, its affection or intamcy period. And i know the cheating on my part hasnt helped but its been this way since day one and i dont want to hurt her anymore, i really dont but when i have these resentments against her and some smoking hot 20 year old is all hitting on me it takes everything i got to not try and start some other little piece of side action up. Dont get me wrong a love my wife dearly and i want nothing more than to for us to be a happy family but the problem is im just not. I feel like we are nothing more than just two good old companions that just happen to have a kid togehter and live together. I know i probably sound like a little b@tch but i just had to get it all out man. Here lately ive been thinking that now that im almost 34 that if i dont make a move now that it will be to late and i will be old and no one will want me. sad isnt it. And ive notced this cycle that it seems to have intensified my unhappiness. Oh well im done bithcin for now gues i just gotta fiqure it out.

[jonnyboy]

Fark.. I feel sorry for ya. Dunno what to say.. My missus is abit like that, it's like a chore for her to give me a root. I'm sure she does it just to keep me happy.. But I'm still young and I know I probably won't be marrying her.. I guess all you can do is speak to her about it, sad that you got a child too.. Makes it difficult hey!

[Dleato]

thats a story and a half bro.i guess a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do. I understand where you're coming from, you have it all apart from that one thing that fills up a big gap in marrage, sex. this is the kinda thing that i fear of when i think of marrage, or even a GF lol theres too much of Dleato to go around and i just cant seem to give it all to one girl, even if she was horny 24/7.

[dannothemanno]

Hey man its a common fucking story, so dont feel like your anything out of the ordinary. Once your married with a child, then the sex and intimacy dries up and your lucky to get laid once a month, if that. And being on cycle would drive ya fucking nuts with no sex, sleeping next to a warm female body while ya old fella is throbbing and wanting to do the job.......you poor bastard! Sounds like she needs to "break out" of her good girl mentality. Give her some E or Trip or something, lol
If it was me, I would eventually lay it on the line. "Baby, if I'm not getting it at home, then I'm going to go out looking for it......." but before you go down that track, keep your mouth shut, organise your financial and property stuff so that when you get a divorce, your ass dont get reamed out too much....
But your situation is one of the reasons I'm still single, lol.

[jonnyboy]

You too make me wanna get rid of My girl..

[darkrid3r]

danno hit that shit right on the head bro.

I left my wife of 15 years last october, the worst time of my life, its almost a year now, and my new girl friend is a fuck monster, only 2 years older than me. My ex wife was 10 years older than me, never hit that PEAK you talk about either.
Sex sucked, my boy got soft on the last time I slept with her, I knew at that point that it was done, in my heart.
I cried
I drank
I ate

Only gained a few pounds.
I sorted out some of my anger issues
I sorted out some of my anxiety issues

Now im on a better path, the girl friend and I have open communication on bubble bath night, this is the night that we lay it on the line, put it all out there, feelings and all. Nothing that is said in this bath night ever leaves, we never use it against each other in a scrap, its just there so we know how each one feels.
We talk about all financial decisions now, even my drugs we discuss, she does not want me dead, so keeps my ego in check from doing 2grams a week

I know its hard bro, but if your done your done.

I hate to say it, but go see a lawyer, its the best thing you can do. Bring your visa or cash if your hiding it. the first visit is like 300 bucks, a retainer will be 3k minimum, but these people are there to protect your interest, and not let you get bent over too far. You pay your maintenance to your wife if you have to, you child if you have to, you arrange visitation rights etc. Its all for the better in the long run.

Split all your shit right down the middle and be civil for the sake of your child.
If shes overly a ***** she will bring your steroid use to the lawyers and you might not get visitation, or have to be tested to get it. Its going to suck ass bro, but you might just be happier. I know i am 10,000 times better off now.

While the financial sucks ass, because im paying 1250 for rent vs my own mortgage, i just dont have the means to save up enough to buy a house yet.

To be honest, i have the best communication with my ex wife and son now because I am no longer angry, I no longer hold stuff in side to save face.

Stay strong man, it gets better if you want it to.
Feel free to PM me any time, been down this road myself.

[Floridagrowin]

Unfortunately that is the real world for most. I have been with my wife for over 27 years, love her more than life itself and won't know what to do if I didn't have her. I have had way too many girls on the side to remember and for the most part it was to make up for what I thought I should be getting at home. Like most people we had a great first couple of years then life got in the way of happiness. Working two jobs and never being home caused it's own set of issues to include her finding someone else. Through it all we still stayed together, at the time mostly for our kids and everything we had accumulated over 10-12 years. Our kids are grown up but we have made plans to retire together and love each other way to much to call it quits.

Up until a few weeks ago I had three girls on the side plus a solid sex life with my wife. I realized at my age I've had enough of the side shit because it has been the source of a lot of pain not just for her but for me and at times the girls I have been with. I'm done and to be honest it is like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

My wife and I been able to talk about our sex life and everything else that has been an issue in our relationship. It has made everything about our marriage better. She does things to please me even though I know it is just for me. I go out of my way to treat her like gold and have for many years. It's compromise and is part of sharing life with someone else.

If you have talked about your problems and gone to counseling and it has not helped then you may just need to talk about divorce. I don't mean threaten to divorce her if things don't change but let her know you are not happy and why that is. You may find that she isn't happy either or you may find that when faced with reality of it being over that she tries harder.

Divorce was never an option for me because I couldn't bear the thought of some other guy raising my kids. I knew the guy she was involved with and I'm pretty sure I would have ended up killing him. I had opportunities to leave for younger women and have had a couple long term relationships where I actually loved them but not like I love my wife. I truly believe had I ever left her I would have regretted it. At this point in our lives we know what we have with each other and we actually like it.

Don't really know what the answer is for you and it will definitely be one of the hardest things you ever have to decide.

[hay bailer]

Hey guys i appreciate all your input and i really mean that. I felt kinda akward reaching out on this forum for this kind of advice but now i see that i shouldnt. I keep this shit all bottled in me and sometimes i feel like a bomb waiting to explode on someone. I can really relate to you florida. Especially when you talk about after quiting the side action and feeling the huge wieght lifted off your shoulders. Ive been down that road and to tell you the truth i got to were i felt like such a shitty person from all the pain i put my wife through and the other women that sometimes for a brief moment id feel suicidal. I know that if im going to do it that im going to do it right but im just scared shitless of what not having my daughter to come home to every day would do to me, and if i really would truly be happier. Shit, im just straight up scared man, im not gonna lie, but then i have these moments were i just get livid and im like fuck i just gotta man up take a chance and leave her. The worst part is that the last person i had an affair with i cant get out of my head. Theres not a day that goes by that i dont think about her but man does she hate my guts now. I really led her on not purposesly but just got scared and thought i was making a mistake. that was nearly two years ago. Ive been good since. I turned into a major homebody and realy buckled down on my training and diet even harder to try and fill the void in me but its not working any more. Im just all fucked in the head right now man and i appreciate everyone for actually listening to my whinning. Guess i will have to man up and lay it down. The thing is, i dont want my wife to change and just do things she doesnt want to do, the way i look at it is that if she doesnt want to do them then that just means im not it for her, and im ok with that. And i told her that many times, im like hey if your not happy with me and its a job for you then fuck it lets end the shit. I get fucking depressed about this shit man its fucking 4;00 am fuck it im gonna sleep on it. Thanx alot guys and i mean that shit!

[Floridagrowin]

I wish there was a simple answer to it brother. I know I enjoy sex and thankfully so does my wife. She doesn't mind doing things to please me even though they aren't really what she likes. Mind you I'm not talking crazy kinky shit or anything. I feel it is her responsibility to please me as it is mine to please her. That is marriage and compromise. She knows that is I'm not happy then neither is she and I will go somewhere else. I don't particularly want to do that but I have time and time again. It can be an addition to some degree. It's very hard to be in your mid 40's and have hot young 20 something's literally throwing it at you. I just know at this point life with my wife is more important to me than sex.

I hear ya on the other woman. My wife and I had a real bumpy time about twelve years ago and we both got involved with other people. I met a great girl, I was 33 and she was 19 and very attractive. We went out for a while and got pretty serious but my wife and I just couldn't leave each other, mostly because of our kids. I maintained an on and off relationship with the girl for several years out of selfishness. I did love her and I should have just left her alone. We did finally go our own way about six years later and I haven't seen her since. I just found out from a mutual friend she finally got married to a guy she was dating back when we were together.

I could go on and on about how messed up I am and how bad I have hurt my wife over the years, to include having a child with another woman. For whatever reason she has stuck by my side and if nothing else I owe it to her to be a better person and husband.

Good luck brother in whatever you decide.

[Bufbiker]

I'll have been with my wife 30 years in January. You have these valleys and peaks. But in the end it's not worth it to mess up what you have. Sex is important, but it's not everything. Your family is the most important thing you have and you may never realize that until it's too late.
I had my grandkids ove today to see grandma (my wife) who got her foot broken on my harley. That scene could have never happened if we had not stuck it out and worked out all our issues; including sex, or lack thereof.
It's cheaper to keep her.