problem with a girl

[Reverend Satan]

for the past 4 years i've worked with this smoking hot little blonde. she is my version of physical perfection but we never really connected on any level until recently. we went out as friends about two months ago and had a good yet slightly awkward time. anyway, i went out with her and some other friends last night and everyone was commenting on the fact that i'm an idiot for not pursuing her. we are a too different for anything long-term to come out of it but i've decided i'd like to at least date her for a while simply because i enjoy her company and i like her blonde hair. normally, i don't date co-workers but i won't be at this job much longer so i'm not concerned about the long term ramifications.

now to my problem. i can't read this girl at all. granted, i'm not gifted at reading the opposite sex when it comes to intimate issues but this girl has turned me down several times when i've asked her out after our "friend date." she said it was because of her child so i can understand that but the rejection still has me feeling insecure. but all this week at work she repeatedly asked me to go out with her and another co-worker on friday (last night). i showed up and it was actually a few couples and her alone so i naturally paired up with her but i never attempted anything due to the fact that being shot down would really make working with her uncomfortable for the rest of the time we are employed together.

i ran into my ex last night (as stated in my other thread) and this young lady became very protective and slightly possessive of me so i take that as a sign she is interested. as an excuse to test things out with her i considered (after many beers) asking her if i could get "touchy-feely" with her just to show the ex what was up but i decided that was cowardly and that i should either be up front with her about what i want or just keep my mouth shut.

i got pretty drunk last night and still couldn't muster up the courage to try anything with her. what should i do?

anyone else is free to chime in here since i need all the advice i can get.

and another question; why do i type such a long post for a simple question?

[Spook]

Originally Posted by Satan

for the past 4 years i've worked with this smoking hot little blonde. she is my version of physical perfection but we never really connected on any level until recently. we went out as friends about two months ago and had a good yet slightly awkward time. anyway, i went out with her and some other friends last night and everyone was commenting on the fact that i'm an idiot for not pursuing her. we are a too different for anything long-term to come out of it but i've decided i'd like to at least date her for a while simply because i enjoy her company and i like her blonde hair. normally, i don't date co-workers but i won't be at this job much longer so i'm not concerned about the long term ramifications.

now to my problem. i can't read this girl at all. granted, i'm not gifted at reading the opposite sex when it comes to intimate issues but this girl has turned me down several times when i've asked her out after our "friend date." she said it was because of her child so i can understand that but the rejection still has me feeling insecure. but all this week at work she repeatedly asked me to go out with her and another co-worker on friday (last night). i showed up and it was actually a few couples and her alone so i naturally paired up with her but i never attempted anything due to the fact that being shot down would really make working with her uncomfortable for the rest of the time we are employed together.

First advice I can give for being or getting involved with a woman who has a kid can be tough. If you do become involved with this woman and the two of you desire to become much closer and committed to each other, then you have to accept the child as well. If you and the child bond and become very attached to each other, then pray that the relationship evolves to marriage. Reason I say that is because a breakup can really be tougher than you can imagine because you would be breaking up with two people in essence; one (the woman you love) and the other (a child who could look up to you as a daddy and you look to as a child of your own). Not saying that dating a single mom is bad at alll, in fact, it can be wonderful, but I've been there and done that with a great deal of pain in the end.

As far as reading this woman, how about getting a small notebook that you can carry in your pocket and take notes. Anytime you interact with her, notice posture, body language, and anything she may say. Notice the way she looks at you or even if she glances back as she walks away. Take a week worth of notes and let us know. Who knows, you may see enough on your own to see that she does have an interest in you.

If you do have an interest in her but not sure of her interest in you, you can do little, off-the-wall things to make her think about you. These things may sound hokey and even phoney, but you are not trying to be phoney with her; you are trying to make her think about you. If you know you are going to run into her somewhere and you can get away with it, take off your shoes and meet her barefoot. Keep a magic 8 ball at your workstation and if she asks why you have one, tell her that is what you use to make all the important decisions in your life. Have some quirks about you that might be considered interesting and boyishly in charm that will just make her think about you. After all, if you are really interested in her, then find ways to get you into her mind in a good way. If the relationship happens and evolves you can bring it up to her later that you did those things for a reason and tell her that reason. She will see how that you were interested enough in trying to woo her.

Originally Posted by Satan

i ran into my ex last night (as stated in my other thread) and this young lady became very protective and slightly possessive of me so i take that as a sign she is interested. as an excuse to test things out with her i considered (after many beers) asking her if i could get "touchy-feely" with her just to show the ex what was up but i decided that was cowardly and that i should either be up front with her about what i want or just keep my mouth shut.

i got pretty drunk last night and still couldn't muster up the courage to try anything with her. what should i do?

anyone else is free to chime in here since i need all the advice i can get.

If this girl became protective and slightly possessive of you, that is a very good sign. Even if it doesn't mean she is interested enough in you for a relationship, it seems she is interested enough to think about it.

Originally Posted by Satan

and another question; why do i type such a long post for a simple question?

This one is easy. I have rubbed off on you. Everyone used to tell me that I was the king of long posts.

[StrappingYoungLad]

Originally Posted by satan

anyone else is free to chime in here since i need all the advice i can get.

If she aked you repeatedly to go out,that's a good sign.Has she ever touched you,or removed an article of clothing in your presence,for any reason?A female knows right away whether it's yes or no,so if it's yes,just don't do anything stupid.If it's no,that doesn't mean that "she shot you down".It's just no.You are over-analysing this and placing too much importance on it.Why put all this pressure on yourself?Even if it's yes,she won't wait forever.As the male,you're expected to be aggressive.Indecisiveness is seen as weakness,whereas a relaxed confidence is very attractive.Just relax and be yourself.Let her know that she's worth pursuing,but not in a "desperate"fashion.What's the worst that could happen?If she says no ,you'll be no worse off than if you don't try.And if she says yes?I think you may have a fear of intimacy issue here,and that's why you dwell on all possible negatives.So the first thing to do is ask yourself what you REALLY want here.Cause driving with one foot on the gas and the other on the brake will never do it.

[Spook]

That is also good advice SYL.

[Reverend Satan]

thanks to both of you gentlemen.

it seems she indeed does have an interest in me but is frightened by the idea of dating a co-worker (so i'm told by her pleasantly plump friend). i have not told anyone, including her, that i will be moving on at the end of the summer so that problem is not a problem at all IMO.

she was extremely sweet to me today which is rare because she is a "rough around the edges" sort of girl. i think i'll go ahead and see what happens next time we are out.

SYL - i have serious intimate issues and have ruined fledgling relationships with a lot of women due to my mental deficiencies. i've finally realized that i sabotage everything in my life that may turn out great because i fear it may also turn out horrible.

Spook - i hear what you're saying about dating single moms. i did it once before and i have remained friends with the woman. she tells me her daughter still remembers me even though we haven't dated in 2 years and the little girl was only 2 at the time.

[Spook]

Stop looking so far ahead and just think about dating for now. Let the future evolve in its own way as the relationship evolves.

[Reverend Satan]

to really intrigue her i have also stopped making jokes about domestic violence :devil

[kingofthering]

Best advise and here I am repeating some already given, enjoy your time
together and see where it takes you. Don't sweat the small stuff, (she did not touch me back, she ignored me at work , whatever) if it is going to happen it will. Don't force it. Forcing it on yourself or her will ruin it...I have done this many times.

[StrappingYoungLad]

I'm going to let you in on a secret,Satan.The best way to find that perfect one,is to BE that perfect one.Imagine what you want in a person,and then be that.Then when that person comes along,you'll both recognise each other.In the meantime,have fun and enjoy all of your life,both when you are with others and when you're alone as well.None of the things any of us worry about really matter,because once again,we're all gonna die.If you understand that,then you understand that you truly have nothing to lose.Then you are free.As long as you try to cling to some illusionary security you are basically paralyzed,afraid to move in any direction.You are going to die.Live while you have the chance.Life is the most wonderful thing there is.
Most people don't realize all the things their internal monologue is telling them.An astonishing amount of the things we tell ourselves are incredibly negative and self defeating.And these thoughts are so automatic,that they are just that,automatic.We don't stop to examine if they are true,or over reactive.You might want to set your watch to go off every 43 min,or some other odd time,that you won't anticipate.Carry a small notepad with you.When the alarm goes off,write down whatever you are thinkink about.Then note whether it has any significance to what is happening at the moment.Then note whether or not this is what you want to be thinking about.This may help you to see even more clearly how you sabotage yourself.Because in the end,all of your life,including your relationships,is all about you...

[mac83]

"Joel, you wanna know something? Every now and then say, "What the fuck." "What the fuck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future."
- Miles, in Risky Business